My first thought here is for all of you females out there, learning to get along with your girlfriends. PLEASE learn to accept that it is OK, as women, to be in different places in our lives. We can still be friends. We do not all have to be single or all have to have kids. It does not have to be all or nothing; one or the other. Learning to accept and embrace one another. Learning not to judge. Learning not to hate. Learning not to be jealous. These are still things many of us need to work on, we need to teach our daughters, and we need to make a societal norm.
But alas, this is one of the many reasons that we lose friends. We lose significant others. We lose support. People cannot accept growth. They cannot accept change. Some never learn to offer the support you need and instead, turn away. Here is where you learn to accept that behavior – and move on. Maybe instead, you are reading this and discovering that you, instead, were the person on the unaccepting end of that. That’s OK, this is for you, too.
If I were to write an open letter to the people in my life have contributed to my struggle, many being females, what would I say? It would be written to those that have chosen not to stick around in the hard times, not to support me in my growth, not to support me in my healthy lifestyle changes and to essentially not accept me for who I am. It would be simple. It would say:
Simply live well. Find peace and love along the way while you let go of pain, loss, and unhappiness. Love yourself and take care of yourself. FIND YOURSELF. Do not go your entire life without truly finding who you are. Continue to let yourself change and grow. In all of that, you’ll learn how to love and be happy for others. Thank you for being a part of my journey.
This is what we should always want for others. We should not wish pain on them. We should not wish unhappiness on them. We should want others to learn how to forgive themselves and forgive those who have caused pain in their hearts. Sometimes people are part of your journey to add to your struggle; learn to accept that.
The struggle is part of who you are. The heartbreak is part of who you are. I recently read a post on HelloGiggles about an art project in which women were photographed in their ex-S.O.’s t-shirts that they had held onto. The emotions captured were amazing, but the story bleeds through to more than just t-shirts from ex’s. It proves true to how powerful our past is and how powerful our struggle is. How powerful relationships are with men, women, aunts, uncles, sisters, mothers, fathers, brothers, friends…essentially everyone who comes into and leaves our lives.
“Even if it’s painful we need to hold onto something. Proof that we did it. That we went through it. That we learned something. That our hearts were broken. That we were loved. That we weren’t loved enough. For someone I won’t be something that will be easily shed.”
Do not hold hatred for those who have “done you wrong.” Do not hold onto those who are letting you go. Do not allow “friends” to talk behind your back. It is simply unacceptable for anyone who is part of your life to do that. Sometimes forgiving others does not necessitate telling them they are forgiven, it’s a matter of conversation between yourself, your heart (and for some, God). Most importantly, do not set out to prove people wrong in the daily things you are doing or in the goals you are setting. Set out to improve the quality of your own life as you see fit and how it will make YOU happy.